It's Almost Time for Kindergarten!

I was pulling out some "official paperwork" this evening to take with us to kindergarten screening tomorrow.  I ran across and re-read Em's adoption paperwork and court transcripts from Kazakhstan.  It was VERY sobering.

Our daughter already knows she's adopted and I'll share these papers with her when she's MUCH older if she asks.

However, I'm going to HAVE to be prepared for that moment.  Sometimes the truth hurts.  But, due to the difference in culture and her rough start for the first several months of her life, the court paperwork is painful for THIS mother's heart.  I almost wish I hadn't looked through it this evening.

I'm giving MY daughter some extra tight hugs this evening when I put her to bed.

Ethiopian Children Need Your Help

Last week the Ethiopian Ministry of Women’s, Children's, and Youth Affairs announced their intention to reduce inter-country adoptions by 90% beginning March 10, 2011.

The Ministry’s plan for a dramatic reduction is apparently based on two primary issues;

1. the assumption that corruption in inter-country adoption is systemic and rampant and;
2. the Ministry’s resources should be focused on the children for whom inter-country adoption is not an option.

I would like to encourage you to sign a petition in support of the orphaned children in Ethiopia and the families trying to bring those children into loving homes.

For information and to sign the petition, please visit the Joint Council Emergency Campaign for Ethiopian Children Petition.


This adoptive mom thanks you!

THIS is cool.

We've gained some new followers in the past month or so and I feel it might be helpful to give a little background to explain what's so cool about this post.

The New and Improved Hypes Family
(minus big brother, Ryan)

Our daughter, Emily (or "Sparkles" as she likes to refer to herself occasionally), was born 10 weeks premature in Uralsk, Kazakhstan.   I didn't get to formally introduce myself to her as "Mom" until she was 8 months old and we traveled to Kazakhstan to adopt her.  

We lived in Kaz for 4 weeks while we bonded with her and went through the official adoption process.  In February of 2007, Emily came home with us to Ohio.

In the years since, Emily has grown to be your ordinary 4-year old girl that happens to have a mild case of Spastic Diplegic Cerebral Palsy.  As a result, she has high/tight muscle tone in her calves and ankles and also in her hips and waist. She goes to physical therapy twice a week to help with this and we do stretching exercises on a regular basis now.  Last year, Em received botox injections in both calves to help weaken the muscles so her other muscles become more developed.  Along with those, she also wore AFOs on both legs during the day and a DAFO on her left leg at night.  (These are leg braces made of molded plastic that basically fit like a boot.) 

Above is a sample of the braces she wore during the day.

Like any kid, Em loved to play outside on the swings and slides at an early age.  (Still does!)  Now, with that being said, there are a couple of differences between Em playing on a swingset and most other kids playing on a swingset.  Em is a tiptoe walker when she's not wearing her braces.  Standing on your tiptoes all the time make it very easy to trip and/or get knocked down.  With her tight trunk muscles, it was difficult for her to sit at anything close to a 90° angle... which also made it very difficult for her to sit safely in a normal swing.  :-(   

We kept her in baby swings for as long as we could possibly cram those long legs of hers down through the leg holes.  We also hovered around her when she climbed the ladders to the slides because it didn't take much for her to get distracted and lose her balance and fall backwards.

Finally, when she was about 3 1/2, the day came when we felt she was gaining a little more independence and would be ready to start trying to tackle a small playset on her own... 

Can you feel the excitement?

It's been a little over a year since that video and she's doing great!  We don't have to hover any more unless she's going up a really tall slide or attempting to traverse some sort of obstacle course that some of the doohickeys have on them.  Em is no longer getting botox injections this year, she doesn't have to wear AFO braces during the day but still wears DAFO braces on both legs at night.  She loves running and playing and sliding AND SWINGING.

And now, something related but, slightly off topic:

Why is that swinging part so important?  That part is so important because of the next video I want to share with you.  Do you remember the freedom you felt as a kid flying through the air on a swing?  Do you remember how fast and how high you could go?  Do you remember your hair blowing back and forth in the breeze and your stomach leaping a bit when you'd reach the really high part?  Yeah?  Ok, now, imagine you're confined to a wheelchair with cerebral palsy or for any other number of reasons.  What are the changes that you're ever going to get to sit in a swing and experience that thrill? 

Look what I ran across today.  Wouldn't it be awesome if every town in America had one of these? 

More Blogs from Kazakhstan!

In looking at my blog stats this morning, I found that quite a few of you are coming from a site called "Kazakhstan Adoption Blogs". I had no idea this site was out there or that I was connected to it.

Love it! Thanks for including us!

My favorite part is that the most recently updated sites are shown at the top of each category. It tells you the name of the blog, the title of the most recent post and when it was last updated. Right now, I'm #10 of over 145 blogs listed in my category. But as soon as I click "Publish Post" I'll be moved up to #1!

Check it out! Go to Kazakhstan Adoption Blogs!

Sensitivity to Infertility

I have been thinking about reposting this entry recently and a recent question from a new Facebook friend has prompted me to follow through.

- - - - - - - - - - Reposted from April 2007 - - - - - - - - - - - -

I didn't write the summary below. It appeared on a Yahoo Group that I'm on. If you've followed my blog from the get-go you'll remember that I discussed some of my feelings as we were going through the adoption process and the things that were difficult for me. I've heard from several people that followed my blog that they appreciated my honesty online because it helped them know better how to handle situations with family and friends going through similar things. Today's post is along a similar line, but describes what a person dealing with infertility issues might be going through. Yes, some of these things also describe what I went through as we were trying to adopt. I had no real overwhelming desire to become pregnant and we did not have a desire to go through infertility treatments. Please read with an open heart and tuck some of these thoughts away for the next time you offer helpful advice to someone dealing with infertility/adoption issues. ;-)

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"SOME FACTS ABOUT INFERTILITY
It may surprise you to know that one out of six women who wants to have a baby cannot conceive. There are many possible reasons for this dismal statistic: blocked fallopian tubes, ovarian failure, hormonal imbalances, husband's low sperm count, to name just a few. Moreover, after a woman turns thirty-five, it becomes difficult to have a baby primarily because many of the eggs she has left are defective and old. All these barriers to pregnancy are physical or physiological, not psychological. Tubes don't become blocked because a woman is "trying too hard" to get pregnant. Antibodies that kill sperm will not disappear if a woman simply relaxes. And a man cannot make his sperm swim faster by developing a more optimistic outlook.

Medical Intervention:
After every medical attempt at making her pregnant, she must play a waiting game that is peppered with spurts of optimism and pessimism. It is an emotional roller coaster. She doesn't know if her swollen breasts are a sign of pregnancy or a side effect of the fertility drugs. If she sees a spot of blood on her underwear, she doesn't know if an embryo is trying to implant or her period is about to begin. If she is not pregnant after an IVF procedure, she may feel as though her baby died.
How can a person grieve for a life that existed only in her mind? While trying to cope with this emotional turmoil, she gets invited to a baby shower or christening, learns that a friend or colleague is pregnant, or she reads about a one-day-old infant found abandoned in a dumpster. Can you try to imagine her envy, her rage over the inequities in life? Given that infertility permeates practically every facet of her existence, is it any wonder why she is obsessed with her quest? Every month, she wonders whether this will finally be her month. If it isn't, she wonders if she can muster the energy to try again. Will she be able to afford another procedure? How much longer will her husband continue to be supportive? Will she be forced to give up her dream? So when you speak with her, try to empathize with the burdens on her mind and on her heart. She knows you care about her, and she may need to talk with you about her ordeal. But she knows that there is nothing you can say or do to make her pregnant. And she fears that you will offer a suggestion that will trigger even more despair.

PROBLEM SITUATIONS
Just as an ordinary room can be an obstacle course to a blind person, so can the everyday world be full of hazards for an infertile woman --- hazards that do not exist for women with children. She goes to her sister-in-law' s house for Thanksgiving. Her cousin is breast-feeding. The men are watching the football game while the women talk about problems with their kids. She feels left out, to say the least. Thanksgiving is an example of the many holidays that are particularly
difficult for her. They mark the passage of time. She remembers what came to mind last Thanksgiving --- that the next year, she would have a new son or daughter to show off to her family. Each holiday presents its own unique burden to the infertile woman. Valentine's Day reminds her of her romance, love, marriage - and the family she may never be able to create. Mother's Day and Father's Day? Their difficulties are obvious. Mundane activities like a walk down the street or going to the
shopping mall are packed with land mines. Seeing women pushing baby carriages and strollers strikes a raw nerve. While watching TV, she is bombarded by commercials for diapers, baby food, and early pregnancy tests. At a party, someone asks how long she's been married and whether she has any kids. She feels like running out of the room, but she can't. If she talks about being infertile, she's likely to get well-intentioned advice -- just the thing she doesn't need: "Just relax. Don't worry. It will happen soon." Or, "You're lucky. I've had it with my kids. I wish I had your freedom." These are the kinds of comments that make her want to crawl under the nearest sofa and die.

THE BOTTOM LINE
Because she is infertile, life is extremely stressful for her. She's doing her best to cope. Please be understanding. Sometimes she will be depressed. Sometimes she will be angry. Sometimes she will be physically and emotionally exhausted. She's not going to be the "same old" girl she used to be. She won't want to do many of the things she used to do. She has no idea when, or if, her problem will be solved. She's engaged in an emotionally and financially taxing venture with a low probability of success. The longer she perseveres, however, the greater her chances of pregnancy become. Maybe someday she will be successful. Maybe someday she will give up and turn to adoption, or come to terms with living a childfree life. At present, though, she has no idea what will happen. It's all she can do to keep going from one day to the next. She does not know why this is her lot. Nobody does. All she knows is the horrible anguish that she lives with every day. Please care about her. Please be sensitive to her situation. Give her your support -- she needs and wants it. "

Happy 3rd Gotcha Day!

Today is yet another important day to remember in the life of Miss Emily. On January 29, 2007, (which also happens to be Ryan's birthday!) a baby girl named Nadezhda, lovingly called Nadya by her caregivers, became an official member of the Hypes Family!

Today (and this weekend) we celebrate our 3rd year of having Emily as part of our family. We LOVE you, Em!

You can read more about the details of our first Gotcha day here!

As I write this journal entry, I'm enjoying Ohio noon-time temperatures of 12°F which are very similar to our daily temps in Kazakhstan 3 years ago. Oh, how I wish I could return to Uralsk for a few days for some of the things I miss:

• Visit with our drivers, coordinators and translators.
• The smell of lunches being cooked in the babyhouse while we visited.
• Eat pizza at MacJohn's.
• Shop for yummy bread in the grocery story where I can't understand anyone.
• Brush my teeth with bottled water.
• Walk up the smelly stairway to our apartment.
• Pay $500 for excessive internet use so we don't miss our shows at home. (That was an accident!)
• Watch packs stray dogs and cats walk around the city like they own the place.
• Ride in a car through car-sized potholes and drive within inches of the cars beside us.
• Shop in the outdoor markets.
• Lose another 12 lbs. due to jet lag and strange foods.
• Drinking the freshest tasting fruit nectar/juices and eating really tasty carrots and cheese.
• The exhilarating feeling of discovering peanut butter my last day there.
• Watching people.
• Walking through the Russian Orthodox churches and cemetaries.
• Learning about cultures and customs of our daughter's homeland.
• Feeling my heart break as I watched children begging in the streets and (for our safety) I was supposed to simply ignore them.
• ....I could go on and on. Oh, I miss it.

Cold, Dreary Day = Warm Feelings

In the most beautiful, sentimental way, this morning's fresh layer of powdery snow, ankle deep muddy slush in the parking lots, 19° temps, brisk winds and gray skies for days on end remind me of Kazakhstan, where we lived for approximately 4 weeks almost 3 years ago. We bonded with a previous little baby that to this day teaches us to laugh, show compassion to others, cry when we're hurting and dance on our tippy-toes when we're excited. Who knew that such cold, dreary days could consistently elicit such happy memories and warm feelings. I love these kinds of days and I'm homesick for my daughter's homeland.

4 days and counting...

The countdown has begun... at this time on Sunday I will be sitting in an airport waiting for them to tell me I can board the plane - the plane that will ultimately take us to find the daughter that God has in store for our family. When we go to court in approximately a month, we will officially become a family of 4.

I told Tom last night that I feel like I've been cramming for an exam for 2 years and it's quickly approaching. Our agency has a 100% success rate with adoptions so I feel like I'm going to pass the test, but what if I forget something along the way!

I had a wrap-up phone conference with my coordinator this evening and feel like I'm actually pretty well prepared for this trip. I mean who shouldn't be after reading up on the topic for over 2 years! I feel like I can scrap my way of life for a few months and adapt to whatever is in store... well, almost. I'm not so sure about the variety of food that I'll be eating but if I can get some bread and water I'll be fine... please just don't ask me to eat those lovely summer salads that everyone else boasts about (cucumbers, tomatoes and mayo... no lettuce, cheese, croutons, or sweet and sour salad dressing!) I can't stand the taste of alcohol and don't want to offend anyone over there so please don't ask me to toast with vodka or rum... maybe I'll raise a non-carbonated bottle of water when everyone else raises their glass! Did I mention the horse that appears on many of the menus? Yes, folks, Mr. Ed and My Friend, Flicka are on the menu in Kazakhstan and actually considered to be a common item over there.

Anyway... we're on our way. Packing lists are being crossed off and I'm trying to picture how all that stuff in the nursery is actually going to fit into 4 suitcases and a couple of carryons.

Please continue to keep us all in prayer... including those we are leaving behind. Our parents are already trying to figure how they'll cope with us being so far away for so long and it's going to be awful rough leaving Ryan behind to continue with his freshman year at school and life in general. Sadly, we're going to miss his 15th birthday while we're gone but we'll be sure to celebrate from the other side of the world!

Again, thanks for following along on our journey... it's only just begun.

Take care and Be Blessed!
-jenni

Travel Dates!

We're leaving for Kazakhstan on January 7th!!! It's time to turn preparations into TURBO mode!

We've got the neighborhood alerted that we will be gone and they will be keeping an eye on the house as well as my parents, who will be stopping out on a regular basis to take care of the cats and keep them entertained.

I don't have any bags packed yet, but the crib is unusually full of all things travel related. I have a mental packing list put together but will not pack our bags until a few days early so we can avoid over-packing. We can only take 2 suitcases each and they each have to be under 50 lbs. Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen!

Mom and Dad came over last week to help me sort through all the donated clothing and we filled the dresser in the nursery with all the clothes from 3-9 mos. and have about 6 boxes and bags of larger clothing that we need to haul back downstairs to save for a rainy day.

In the meantime, we're working on ordering the money we need to take with us and trying to make arrangements to get fingerprinted all over again for INS.

I've been working on locking in the cash order for about 3 weeks now. I asked about the procedure several months ago and was assured it would not be a problem and there are not extra costs involved. However, when I went to the bank to place the official order I was told there was now a $110 fee for this... not charged by the bank but by Brinks for handling fees. Jon at the bank did everything in his power to try to get this fee waived for us but could not... so we are stuck with either paying this fee or asking the tellers to start holding back like-new bills for us. With the stress of everything else in our lives right now I'm biting the bullet and paying the fee to order the bills. I guess in the whole scheme of things what's $110? But, when we're already scraping the bottom of the barrel to pay for travel, apartments, etc. it's less we have to take out of our savings account. And, if nothing else, it's the point of it all. I'm tired of getting charged extra fees by banks to use my own money.

Fingerprints... again? Yup! In total, this will be the 5th time we are each getting fingerprinted for this adoption! I've honestly started to lose track! I know we initially were printed for INS clearance and again for FBI clearance and I "think" we also had local police reports run on us. Then, in the past couple of months our FBI prints expired (were over 1 year old) so we had to have them done again. Now, we're told that our INS paperwork (our 171H) is still good for another couple of months but the fingerprints for that paperwork will expire while we're in Kazakhstan. INS will allow us into Kazakhstan but unless we get reprinted we might have quite a bit of trouble getting clearance to re-enter the US on our way back home! Sheesh!

You know, all in all... these snags are really starting to get kinda funny... in a really demented sort of way.

Well, enough for now... Merry CHRISTmas everyone!
-jenni

Hurry Up and Wait!

 

Ok, so I'm on several adoption mailing lists where those going through the same process as we are can chat and ask questions and share our frustrations. This weeks biggest concern is the long wait.... Here's a snippet of someone's response to the frustrations:

"Do whatever you need to do to get through the wait. Cry, eat, lean on us, vent, lock the door to your nursery, talk to your high chairs and teddy bears, whatever it takes! It will HAPPEN!!!! When, I do not know but it will!!!!! Hang in there guys and each difficult day that passes is yet another day closer to your very own blessing..."

I just wanted to share this with everyone so you can understand part of the frustration that comes with adoption. Whoever said "You're taking the easy route by adopting." is sadly mistaken. We, adoptive parents, have our own kind of stretch marks and hormonal ups and downs. One day you're "scheduled" to travel in the spring and the next day something has changed and your approximate timeframe for travel has been pushed back 3-4 months. It's all part of the process and it's something we adoptive parents go through.

Several of the moms-to-be on our list have been known to put the car seat in their cars and take their pets and stuffed animals for a ride. Another mom-to-be put a teddy bear in her stroller and took it for a jog around the neighborhood. Another put all the baby stuff in the nursery, locked the door and gave the key to her neighbors with strict instructions to not give her the key until she had a referral.

It's hard - this adoption process. We are at the mercy of so many people on a completely different side of the world. Our friends and family continue to have babies and we find ourselves living vicariously through their experiences. We also witness those families at the mall or grocery store that just can't seem to treat their children with love and kindness, those families that yell and scream at their children... those instances make our stomachs turn and our hearts ache. I'm not saying those that aren't adopting don't experience these same things but I've noticed those feelings have gotten magnified since we started the adoption process and the longer we wait the more intense those feelings become.

Right now, these are normal emotions. If I start dressing up my cats in baby clothes and walking them around the neighborhood... well, I hear this is normal too! If I get to that point - I pray my family and friends will love me enough to tell me I need a vacation! ;-)

Yes, this is a trying time for us. We have completed all our paperwork so we don't have that busy work to keep us occupied and make us feel like we're progressing. Our busy work right now is preparing the house for a baby and before long we'll be able to work in the flower beds and yard. There's nothing we can DO to make this process go any faster. We simply wait.

In the mean time, we stay encouraged that God knows the right timing to bring this baby into our lives. It's certainly not the same time frame I have in mind... but we're learning new things because of this process every day. Some day in the near future we will have our own special blessing in the form of a little girl and none of this waiting will matter. We will have our whole lives to spend together and grow memories together as a family... for that, I can't wait.

Be Blessed!